there are days that fit like your favorite pair of jeans, the ones that gently hug you in all the right places. you’re braver on those days, more grateful, more a lot of things. but this is real life, and there are days that don’t fit right, and if i’m being honest, lately they haven’t. lately i feel like my jeans are worn and stretched out two sizes too big for me. i look at them with disappointment, probably because i’ve been too busy comparing and admiring and wishing i was walking around in someone else’s.
these days i’ve felt more lost than usual, standing on unfamiliar street corners, scratching my head, unsure of where to go next. i’m walking around putting up lost person flyers, searching for the brave girl i was a few months ago. me today just wants to slap an out of order sign on my forehead. i’ve been waking up in the mornings with the kind of low-energy caffeine can’t begin to put a dent in, but mornings are still my favorite so i’m clinging to that, i’m celebrating that and i’m still drinking my coffee.
those days are hard and they are tricky, because it can feel like it’s me against you, us against them, you against the world. that’s what comparing and judging and means words paint a picture of. but that’s not the kind of artwork i want to hang on my walls. because it’s not me against you, us against them, you against the world. the truth is we’re all just walking around in our own jeans with different fits and different shades. some are distressed, some with more flare than others, but we’re all just doing our best to show up and be ourselves.
it’s not easy to observe the days as you’re living through them. if i was better at it, i’d know i’ve been looking at my jeans with a little too much shame. being optimistic doesn’t mean all days are bright. there are gaps, and those gaps are necessary. i’m currently living in a gap, i’m a little worn and tired, but i’m still holding up my foam finger for you, and you, and you. wherever your feet are planted right now, gap or not. i hope you’ll cheer me on too.