a horseshoe symbolizes good luck, but in those special moments at horseshoe bend, i am always reminded me to create my own.
in a state of optimism
the first time i visited this magical spot on the map, i had only been living in phoenix for a few short months. to the outside world, i was very happy, but on the inside i was also very broken. i appeared to be an abundantly positive person, but i was tough on myself to carry that optimism; failing to allow myself to be human when i needed to be.
my move to arizona was decided on a whim. yes. i decided to move across the country without a plan. it was an exciting time, and when i started to become stressed i converted it into enthusiasm. i rolled with the punches. but i was also afraid to admit to the fear i had buried underneath my nomadic heart. and the further down i tried to hide the fear of failure, the stress, and the negative; the harder it was to feel the good, the optimism.
the shock eventually set in, and naturally it hit me all at once. i was drowning. not in sadness, or despair, but my body felt it all; both the good that i had accepted, and the bad that i had tried to dismiss.
freedom in mobility
when i feel overwhelmed, or discomfort of any kind; i drive. being mobile allows me to feel free, even in the most painfully suffocating of moments. knowing i needed a getaway, i texted my friend and off we went to, well we didn’t really know, but we headed north and that was okay with me; i found peace in the unknown.
i had always swooned over pictures of horseshoe bend (and i still do), and since it was on my bucket list and only 4 hours away from phoenix, that’s where we decided to go. driving through the night, we landed at a campground overlooking lake powell, (another bucket list spot) in the darkness.
i’m thankful i arrived there while the moon lit up the sky, because it made the next morning one i would never forget. when i rose with the sun, my anxiety took a backseat, and my eyes filled up with wonder. and then, with unbrushed hair and bonfire scented clothes, we greeted the day by introducing ourselves to horseshoe bend.
on the edge of something beautiful
sitting on the edge and looking down into the horseshoe shaped canyon, i realized what it meant to be present, to be aware, to be grateful, to be alive. but how could i not feel so much goodness being on the edge of something so naturally beautiful?
sitting there, i felt it all. i felt all of the stress, and anxiety, and self-doubt, and fear i had hidden so deeply. you see, i moved to phoenix without a plan. no job. no apartment. zero savings. zero stability. there were no guarantees. i moved on a whim and it was thrilling, it was freedom.
however non-traditional, it was something i had always wanted to do. move, with no plan in front of me, and no backup plan for safety. and as exciting as it was, in my innermost bones i was terrified. i knew things could have gone horribly wrong. i knew it wasn’t the smartest decision, or the most responsible one; but sitting on that edge i realized it was the right one for me.
it was at horseshoed bend that i realized my fear of failure was okay, and it was natural. it was at horseshoe bend that i learned to truly trust my instincts. because it was my gut that told me to go to arizona, and my decision to move on a whim couldn’t have turned out any better. i found a job straight away. i met an amazing human to be my roommate. we found a beautiful apartment to call home. piece by piece the puzzle came together. and there i was, thinking it was all luck.
with the universe’s gentle guidance
sitting on the edge of horseshoe bend that morning i discovered how resilient i was. how nimble i could be. how brave i was for doing what i did, even if i was afraid while doing it. i realized that i could still be one optimistic son-of-a-gun, and still have sad moments or bad days. but most importantly, i realized that all of the luck i thought the world had given to me, was actually luck i had created with the universe’s gentle guidance.
i sometimes forget that it’s okay to feel everything, and there are times when i struggle to push above my fears. there are even moments when i forget that i have the power to create my own opportunities, my own rule book to living, my own luck. but that’s okay. it’s okay to forget. i know that a horseshoe symbolizes good luck, but in those special moments at horseshoe bend, i am always reminded me to create my own.